6:50pm @ the Library.

These are just some thoughs running thru my mind of late.
Last week i popped into a Goodwill on Charlotte Avenue to look for any furniture worth re-doing & in the process saw walked past a t-shirt , that read " JESUS: WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION"
I felt like vomiting. i was outraged and insulted/ as to turn some one could view a revolutionary as jesus of nazareth into a weapon of destruction yet alone to ally it with the phrase: weapons of mass destruction/shock and awe/ Are you either with us or against us ?

and instead of attending a Unitarian Service this Sunday I attended the service of feeding the homeless on the streets. It was the holy communion that I needed.
To feed and be fed on the streets .

I am presently involved in a leadership training and have decided to also get involved with a training group with the University's Divinity school.
Last night I attended an event for African American History Month with listening to Angela Davis speak. I amazed by many things, but what came across so clear was her incredible humility and teaching abilites. She was an excellent speaker.

and now the question is:
& What am i doing for "FUN" !!@# .... :)
i'll just have to work on that one....
over and out.
d

Visit?

I can't believe this. Actually : I can.
but this is so much more difficult than I had thought it would be. To visit my elderly mother and stay over night in C when there is the expectation that I will stay up at the house with my brother N. who is now living in the house up on the mountain. I cant'. I just can't right now and certainly don't wish to put on an acting performance even for an 83 year old mother.
In the back of my mind I read this blog, thinking how callous & how un-feeling of me. She's 83 yrs old for Pete's sake! "Just do it", I hear an inner critic scream at me.

I cannot go and spent an evening with my brother pretending that everything was okay.
When it wasn't . If there is to be any reconcilliation between us . That too is a process.
and so this puts my options of staying over night in town at a damper unless I stay over night in motel.

Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Ya Da Ya Da Yadd da-da ...... or What every.

I Am currently reading a book consisting of exerpts written by Huey Newton: Founder of the Black Panthers. What remarkable man he was, although I don't agree at all with his core beliefs on violence. & yet then there are some other things about him that are quite remarkable, including his opinions on empire, colonialism, self and community empowerment.

Color me Hungry.

I Bumped into a tennant at the Apartment Block two days ago: I'd thought that it would be one of those casual " How ya doing?" kind of conversations however he is a Vietnam Vet and the smell and site of the burnt Apartment building has created flashbacks. Sounds like it has triggered PTSD , as to to whom it looks like a bombed site.
He appeared to be a very angry man.Angry at whom or what Idon't know & so sensitive of judgement. He'd been a prison guard and also interrogator in Vietnam and mentioned it was very much like Iraq. Referring to the prison scandel. " I had a job to do." he said-

It is painful to fathom all the shades of gray that paint the mural of war.


On our street in Greensburgh, New York: Cherry Lane it was named. The Cagneta's had a cousin called Patrick. P had just returned from Vietnam. walked with a limp and a cane. Never talked to any one and seemed to hide.
N, my brother, becoming more desperate for ways to make money for his drug habit had already begun to take bigger risks since but when Patrick had returned from Vietnam N had solicted him regarding sex with me. My big brother prostituted me for his drug money.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of years back.
I was passing by a breakfast line for a local resturant. One of those great family owned places.
Great Food etc. Waiting line all the way out on to the side walk.

I was passing in by and so was a homeless Vietnam Veteran.
& he stopped and looked at them for a second.
and Yelled, " YOU JUST DON'T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE MAN: YOU JUST DON'T KNOW THE LANGUAGE."

i have never forgotten that . His words have been written in stone somewhere deep in my memory.