The War on the Home Front

Couldn't sleep last night.
& wrote in my journal for a short time. Max, the cat, enjoys situating himself directly against me. What an incredible little spirit he has.

abolutely infuriated. Utterly.
and so I wrote a Letter of appeal to God. Moses was on the right track -I think. All his arguments and questions. The line between him and God evidently seemed to have a link of that at times seemed stretched out for such along ways-but thier relationship certainly never wore out.
This time last year was before my fathers accident and there have been so many changes that am only now begining to catch up with them.
So
Dad at 83. His usually stubborn old man self decided to take it upon himself to take a walk up on a Wilderness Area. Miles and Miles of Nothing in sight but the Wilderness and the Road.
Surgeon thought that perhaps that someonemay have run over him with their car and left him unconscious until some stranger had found him or perhaps he went into went into a funk of some kind and went off the beaten track. No One will ever know.

My appeal to God last night was that of: Why did you return him to us? Why didn't you let him die out out there & why was he returned as the man he is today and not the father of yesterday?

The one who was a racist, bigot and man of violent memories. Wife beating and child punisher and the one who would say, " if you can't finish your dinner I'm putting it in the fridge and you will have for breakfast, lunch and next supper until it is ."
"My love for you is in my fist" Open hands and whip. In other words he was a brutal man with random moments of love. He didn't know how to love himself and he didn't know how to love us.
and now he sits with late stage Dementia in an assisted living facility.
I always tell him that I love him, before I leave, because it is truly felt. Because he is not the same man and the old one did die and a new father took his place. Because I just don't have it in me to be cruel in return.
and lastly; My 2 siblings and I returned back home. We didn't have to .

Survivors of the Family War Zone.