Visit?

I can't believe this. Actually : I can.
but this is so much more difficult than I had thought it would be. To visit my elderly mother and stay over night in C when there is the expectation that I will stay up at the house with my brother N. who is now living in the house up on the mountain. I cant'. I just can't right now and certainly don't wish to put on an acting performance even for an 83 year old mother.
In the back of my mind I read this blog, thinking how callous & how un-feeling of me. She's 83 yrs old for Pete's sake! "Just do it", I hear an inner critic scream at me.

I cannot go and spent an evening with my brother pretending that everything was okay.
When it wasn't . If there is to be any reconcilliation between us . That too is a process.
and so this puts my options of staying over night in town at a damper unless I stay over night in motel.

Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Yada Ya Da Ya Da Yadd da-da ...... or What every.

I Am currently reading a book consisting of exerpts written by Huey Newton: Founder of the Black Panthers. What remarkable man he was, although I don't agree at all with his core beliefs on violence. & yet then there are some other things about him that are quite remarkable, including his opinions on empire, colonialism, self and community empowerment.