Day After Easter

yesterday was just a yesterday & didn't feel like an Easter. Rainy, Dismal, 45 degrees. En Total: Blah.
and Mondays the same. On the other side: I went to visit my parents and did spent the night up at the house
in Chattanooga. In order to have an Easter there has to be a Passover. N. my brother and I watched a video of
the movie "Amadeus" and i went to bed and cried. Reconcilliation is about taking small steps and I can see his pain on his face. Wednesday I may be returning the house to help my brother bring Dad up to the Dementia Unit. Since it is an Assitive Living Unit , Nursing staff won't be doing it. It weird isn't it. A son so brutally battered by his father, now a grown man bringing that same father now frail and emotionally regressed into an Alzeihmers Unit. There doesn't seem to be a whole of of talk of batterers and their sons. Sons and fathers.
On One occassion when N. was a teen he was sexually abusing me and immediately afterwards took me into the bathroom and shoved my head into the toilet. flushing it. Immediately grabbing me by the hair to face our reflections it it saying, " We are Daddy's Monsters."
no. not our fathers monsters.
just children. trying to cope . survive our own war.
and myselft struggling to survive my brothers war against himself, perpetrated on me.

and no.
Reconciliation.
For me does not equal forgiveness.
To me : Mercy

I regret not having attended our Unitarian Passover Service. Tasting the Bitter Salt. Remember.
who and what your were and how you survived. Easter: Transformation. I can speak this language.
Who will speak it with me?