Daddy.

Returned for another visit to the family house to see my mother and then to visit my father up the mountain who is now in a nursing facility- then to spend the night with my brother N. living up in the house.
My mother is doing incredibly well for her age of 83- she has just had her eye surgery for cateracts and will be having another one in about two weeks. I 'd walked in the door and she was sitting in the wheel chair waiting . She had wanted me to notice the difference without her glasses and she said, "Do you notice anything different?" and I stooped down peering "No-Mummy I don't see any unusual" She has these soft grey-blue eyes that match her aging face. Debbie she says, " My glasses.. I'm not wearing my glasses anymore, she'd said excitedly to me.

She is so full of spunk.

Daddy is another story. It is hard as he's deteriorated much further . N has been so good and has assisted with his admittance to the Nursing home.
It will take a while to process this.Although I am glad that my father has a great Nurse and
Nursing Aide Ratio.
But there he was. sitting in his wheelchair unfortunetly with a very bad upper respitory infection-facing back out over looking the mountain incline. Very pretty or so I had imagine him doing so upon approaching.

But when we began our conversation he was actually watching the flys buzzing around the
the window pane.

My father engrossed in buzzing flys.
The same man who would beat my brother with a horses crop.

"Daddy's Monsters" , N would say.

Dad was very cold and we both put helped him put his cardigan on and got the Kleenex and
gave each one individually so he could blow his own nose.

What is it to forgive? I don't know. I haven't forgotten.
Perhaps it is really is more about time and choices, change and love.
I am searching.