An Apology

I remember the time that one time N. had apoligized to me.
A very long time ago & before his descent into Drugs I had sat on his bed facing out the window.
Seeing and not seeing both realities at the same time. Feeling absolutly nothing- drained of emotional affect.
My brother kneeling in front of me crying, face red, the tears streaming down his face.
" I'm sorry - I'm sorry", he kept crying. N. My brother needs help and cannot stop himself but inorder to bury his pain he escalates his alcohol abuse in heavy drug use which in its own ironic twist escalates the abuse further and introduces other perpatrators into the picture.
Both carrying the Burdens into the rest of our lives.

When I had recently gone for a visit to Chattanooga, N had something about repression. I'd forgotten what it was. But it made me wonder if I exist in his Drug induced BlackOuts, which would mean that in some of the later incidences he would have no memories.

Memories thrown down the spriralling twisters of Black Outs-Black Holes of Memory.
Discarded Postcards that used to say," I was Here".